Some Nursery Rhyme Jokes (not suitable for kids!)

So, i’m goin a bit of hard drive cleaning up in the never ending quest to get everthing organised or at least the system by which to keep it that way. Anyway, enough about that, I found some dirty nursery rhyme jokes!! Enjoy!

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
…but she didn’t wear that one very often

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you dickhead.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
said f**k him, He’s only an egg.

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it’s ass
and turned it’s wool to nylon

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there’s little Franky.

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

Little Boy Blew.
Hey. He needed the money.

  • here is a few

    jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, stupid jill forgot her pill and now shes got a daughter.

    milk milk lemonade this is where the baby’s are made stick your finger in a hole and out comes a tootsie roll.

    jack and jill went up da hill so jack could lick jills candy, but jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock, because jills real name was randy.

  • http://childrenbooks Jahir Kamal

    Nice jokes. Thanks!

  • gina

    this sucks what bout rymeing poems like: here i sit broken hearted
    tried to shit but only farted
    here i sit in a trance
    tried to fart but shit my pants

    that is better han this stupid stuff

  • lauren

    there all shiit lools….. this1 iis da bollox….:

    there was an old man from gosham
    who took hes bollox out to wash ‘em
    hes wife said “oh jack if you dont but em bk
    im gna stamp on the bastards and squash ‘em

  • kirsty

    jack & jill went up the hill so jack could lick jills fanny. jack got a shock & a mouth full of cock cos jill was a pree opp tranny

  • Doitghu

    Mary had a little lamb and it kept on grunting, she tied it to a five bar gate and kicked it’s little !?!? In….

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This work by it:is:on is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported.